Low Bruce Banner One-Shot
by Imarvelnation
Summary: [A Bruce Banner One-Shot based off of Mark Ruffalo's line in the 2012 Avengers movie about getting low and committing suicide. Also a collection of one-shots/shorts. :3 I hope you enjoy!]
1. Chapter 1

**_ LOW _**

Robert Bruce Banner. _Who am I really? A physicist? A monster?_

The poor doctor was sitting in the grass, his head in his hands. His mind was nothing but a rushed mess, having thoughts swirl through freely and violently.

It had been almost a month since his last destructive transformation, but the guilt continued to eat up at him. Not just from his latest victims, but from those over the years. The hell bent monster inside him always finding a way out to destroy and kill—or was it really?

Bruce let out an exasperated sigh, trying to free the stress and tension in the single breath but it was no good. The core of his stomach tightened as he gagged, the thoughts in his head running a little too far, or was it merely the truth he was too frightened to accept?

"Impossible, impossible, impossible," Banner repeated in a desperate whisper, attempting to calm his nerves on the thought, but there was far too much evidence for him to continuously deny it.

He knew that the Hulk was just a persona of himself. What if it was the persona of all that pain and anguish he had kept inside himself for so long? What if it was all the things he wanted to do, but was too afraid to because he was too timid; too afraid?

There was no denying it, but there was so much at risk to even suggest it. The Hulk was just Banner in a way where he could express all those feelings he had suppressed for so long in a violent way.

"Damnit," Banner groaned while running his hands through his hair in a frustrated manner_. _"My hair, oh, my hair," he mumbled to himself. With a slight chuckle, he came to the realization of how insane he must sound right now. It made him glad no one else was around to hear him.

There were gray strands at his side burns and on the sides of his head, slowly creeping up until his entire hair was the colour of burnt ashes. He remembered when Betty used to touch and play with his hair. All the intimate times they shared and the fun times he had, but he surprised himself even more when his mind decided to go further back in time to the first person he loved.

Rebecca; his mother.

Half a smile twitched on his face, remembering his mother. She was his first friend and the first person to ever show him real love. And when she was taken away from him, his whole world slowly began to crumble, each year being worst than the last. His father—his father had been the one to start all the mess; the one who killed his own wife.

A sob escaped Bruce's mouth when he gritted his teeth. The thoughts had gone too far. He didn't want to remember his father. The man who never once showed love to Bruce. He only abused him and his mother- only showing hatred towards the two.

_"You're evil, Bruce! You're the reason your mother died!"_

_ "I wish I killed you when I had the chance!"_

_ "Men are supposed to be proud when they feel pain, but all you ever do is cry, Bruce! Cry like the little wuss you are!"_

_ "You're a monster! You don't deserve to live!"_

_Maybe you were right, Brian_, he thought, remembering the insults his father would spit at him. He didn't feel he deserved to live anymore- not as what he was now: a monster. Even now he could feel his alternate persona pounding in the deepest of his conscious. Roaring, bellowing, feeding off of this awful nostalgia he was going through, but he could hold it back with years of practice.

_ Why?_ Why did he feel this way now, only remembering the bad things? Was that all his life was? Just one bad event after another? Was there really no good thing in his life that hadn't been taken away already? Had his fathers' delusional insults been true all along? Was he finally at his lowest point?

_No_. His mother and Betty would say it wasn't. They would tell him they loved him and how he was a much better man than his father and could become something better?

But he had followed the nearly exact same path as his father; troubled childhood, immeasurable intelligence, a career in science- and how coincidental they had chosen the same field; physics, and a passion for violence.

Bruce's memories crashed over him, wave after wave. The souls of those who had died in past rampages tortured him. He could see them circling him in the most menacing way. They wanted their revenge and they would get it soon.

Was he any better than his father? Could he even answer this question for himself? How many people has he hurt, how many lives had he destroyed? Much more than Brian ever had, that's for sure.

Finally, he released his head from his sweaty palms. They gripped the handle of the revolver in his hand tightly, his hand shivering, but from what? Fear? No, he knew this was what he wanted. This is what he had to do.

This was his lowest point. Or could it get lower? From being one of the world's best known brilliant scientists to a nomad who had to beg for money to get his next meal or new clothes. Everyone was after him; the army, the Navy, the National Guard, SHIELD- even mutants, like himself. He remembered encountering one, _the Wolverine, was it?_

Oh, what did it matter now? His life was about to end. With a swift bullet to the brain, it would all be over. He wouldn't hurt anyone anymore- he wouldn't hurt Betty anymore than she already was. The world would finally be free from the Hulk; from Bruce Banner.

He could feel the Hulk pounding in his head, seemingly aware of what he was trying to do. How he was trying to end both of their lives. Bruce was in a weak state, and found it nearly impossible to hold him back. Another sob came from him. He let himself cry freely for no one was around to watch.

He was far away from any cities or populated areas he knew in a place with grass barely growing on the ground. He felt he should at least die on a small patch of it, for at least the last part of his life be comfortable. And his mother would be on the other side waiting for him. He could already see her. The brown hair and beautiful soft eyes with her arms open in a joyful embrace.

It calmed his nerves just a bit.

He shifted, feeling the note he had left for Betty in his pocket. They say suicide is the cowardly way out, but Bruce felt it was just when you ran out of choices. Would Betty choose the latter or be convinced he was just a coward? How many times had he tried to cure himself? How many times had he tried to separate himself and the monster? All were failures. She was there, she _has_ to understand.

The cold metal rested in between his teeth barely touching his tongue, but enough to let the goose bumps rise all over him. Only one bullet in the barrel that would end it all. The shivering then escalated to a more violent trembling which rattled the gun again his teeth. His body's natural response to panic was leading to something else he could feel.

The roaring and pounding of the Hulk grew more intense as muscles he couldn't consciously control began to twitch. His body sensed danger, arousing the adrenaline in his blood, his heartbeat quickening as he could feel the transformation about to take place.

_No! Not when I'm so close!,_ he thought angrily, sticking the gun further up his mouth until it seemed to point to his brain. He knew if he waited any longer, it would be too late. His finger twitched strongly as he pulled the trigger followed with a loud bang, but it was already too late to kill him. The transformation had begun and the bullet was lodged in his throat, not piercing it, but just stuck.

Bruce groaned and dropped the gun as his muscles began to convulse and his skin slowly turned green. The pain was even more with the bullet stuck, like a needle that wouldn't go through your skin, just stays there.

He can feel his hope diminishing, the vision of his mother disappearing. He can already anticipate the pain he will cause others as long as he lives. He cursed himself, thinking he should've known better- thinking what a failure this attempt was and how others would suffer from his mistakes.

How Betty would suffer.

This time he couldn't control himself and was quickly lost in the emerald haze as his clothes were ripped off his body by the huge muscles and only his pants remained. The creature that now stood in the place where Doctor Banner was, spit out the bullet that was meant to kill him on the floor.

He bellowed out loud- a cry of victory, but a cry filled with anger. The bullet wasn't new to him, it had hit the Hulk before in attempts to kill him but they never worked. They only annoyed him. He growled loudly, coming to the conclusion that _Puny Banner_ had tried to kill him.

_Hulk is the strongest there is, Puny Banner. No one can hurt hulk! _

And with that, the Hulk left in an anger filled rampage; no longer thinking about the innocents with his visions clouded in a green rage.


	2. Eat the Donut

**[Eat the Doughnut]**

_Thor and Bruce moment, I don't feel like they get enough time with each other. It's not meant to be funny... Also, when I finally see AOU, I'll make a one-shot or something. Does anyone like the Bruce-Natasha dynamic going on? I know there was a lot of negative feedback on it from Instagram..._

Bruce and Tony had been friends for years, even when they disagreed on many things they managed to stay friends through all of it. That was more than Bruce could say for any of his friendships.

One day, Bruce decided to listen to some of Tony's advice and go for a walk around the city.

His feet walked with a mind of their own as he boarded trains and buses that ran through the city. Soon he found he was in the Bronx and seemed very confused when he stepped off of the 2 train.

"Hello, Banner," a voice called out. He jumped slightly when he found someone was behind him.

He smiled with a sigh of relief, "Thor—"

"Shh," he shushed. "My name's Donald Blake today, okay?"

Thor was actively on a mission as he had been for the past few months ever since SHIELD felt he was useful as a spy as well as a warrior. It had been a while since Bruce had seen him so it was definitely a nice surprise.

Bruce nodded in response. "But why are you talking to me? I thought working undercover was supposed to keep you from your other lives."

"I am still learning, my friend. And it does not hurt to bend the rules every now and then."

"Yes, it does," Bruce said as though speaking from experience.

"Okay," he complied. "If anyone asks-" Thor placed a black wig over Bruce's hair that he had in a shoulder pouch he was wearing. "-you are Dr. Arnold Blake-" he finished off his not-so-good disguise with a fake moustache. "-my brother."

Bruce chuckled at the end part as he fixed his moustache.

"I think people could easily see through that."

"Then you're my adopted brother."

Bruce smiled at Thor slightly.

"What are you doing here anyway?" he asked him.

"I should ask you the same thing."

"At least I have an excuse. You already know that I'm on a mission and can't disclose details unless you want SHIELD to want me to kill you," Thor joked.

"Just go ahead and tell me then," Bruce said, trying to pass it off as a joke as well. He saw he failed at doing so when Thor gave him a worried look.

"Banner," he said in a softer tone. He could see that she was trying to find words, but wasn't sure what to say.

Finally, after a few minutes of awkward eye contact, Thor put his arm over Bruce's shoulder.

"Come on, Arnold," he said in a different, less pitying tone, "let's go for a walk."

Bruce shrugged in an agreeing way. That was what he set out to do in the first place. Together they walked down the steps of the station.

"Why are you here? You're usually at the tower by now- actually you're usually there all the time."

"Tony said I should go for a walk."

"Stark has said a lot of things, yet I don't recall you listening to everything he says."

"There's a lot of things you don't know, Th- Donald."

"Huh," he scoffed. "Doctor, you are quite the mysterious one."

Bruce smiled. He wasn't arguing with that. There are things that even he doesn't understand about himself.

"Let's go here," Thor said finally. They walked into a Dunkin' Donuts and waited on the line.

Bruce glanced around nervously. There wasn't a lot of people in the store, but there was still an amount that made him feel uncomfortable.

"Is something the matter, Arnold?"

Bruce didn't turn.

"Arnold," Thor said, placing a hand on his shoulder and startling him.

"Oh, uh- I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention."

Thor gave him a hard look.

"Excuse me, sir, you're next," said the cashier. Thor gave her an apologetic, but charming smile. She returned it, feeling flustered.

"Yes, my apologies. May I have one turbo shot with extra sugar and a chocolate glazed donut? Anything for you, Arnold?"

Bruce shook his head, keeping his hands in his pockets. "Thank you though," he mumbled.

Thor sighed and looked back at the cashier, "And may I get a plain donut with all that?"

"Of course. That'll be $3.89, sir."

Thor pulled out a wallet and waited until she gave him his order to pay her. "Thank you, m'am. Have a blessed day."

"You too." She waved a little.

Bruce was silent the whole time. Not watching so much, but just listening. He dazedly followed Thor to some seats in front of a window.

"Why sit here?" he asked.

"I know how much you like scenery."

Bruce chuckled. "Yes, I love to watch traffic. Thank you."

"I may not be from your world, but sarcasm is a universal language, doctor."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. It was amusing." Thor smiled, but Bruce did not return it. Instead he looked outside of the window. "We don't spend much time together, you and I. Why do you think that is?"

Bruce broke away from his stare at the window.

"Well, you're always busy—"

"That's not true," Thor cut him off. He saw that his assertive tone made Bruce break eye contact. "It's not," he said softer. "I'm often alone and very bored. Almost the same on Asgard, but there's a difference on Earth."

"What's that?" Thor was glad he hadn't lost Bruce's attention.

"All of you- the Avengers," he answered. "I know I have the Warriors Three and my father and everyone- I am forever grateful for them, but... I don't know. It's different. It's hard to explain."

"You still love the others back home, but the people here are more truthful."

"Pardon? Are you saying that my friends and others back home aren't truthful."

"No, no, I didn't mean it like that. No offense, but it's hard to be honest when there are classes there, keeping you in a certain place whether you like it or not until you die."

"Lady Sif has broken that barrier. She is the first female warrior."

"But is she true. Yeah, she's what she wanted to be but does she really act like... I don't know a girl?"

"That is a sexist remark, Arnold." Thor chuckled slightly. He took a sip of his coffee before pulling out his donut and pushing the bag towards Bruce.

"I didn't mean to say it like that, I meant... I don't know- human? Or in your case, Asgardian?"

"I don't understand," Thor replied. "Please don't ignore the donut. I want to see you eat it."

"Why?"

"I noticed you haven't eaten in a few days. On any world that I know of, that's not good. Is something bothering you?"

"You're changing the direction of the conversation."

"No, I am not. I'm showing concern."

"And you're doing it by changing topics." Bruce started to get defensive. Thor noticed and complied.

"Fine, let's finish the conversation. What do you mean about Sif?"

"I mean, does she really show emotion other than what's expected of her? Does she share her feelings? Is she—"

"Of course she does."

"Only with you because you're in a relationship with her."

"I see." Thor took a bite of his donut. "So this is a matter of emotion and bonds?"

"Somewhat. Here, you don't necessarily have to be in a relationship to share your feelings. Friends, family- even strangers can do that. And not everyone is some super strong person who can save the world. That's what makes us all the more real. "

"Are we not friends, Anthony?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess."

Bruce was startled by the question. He hated it; dreaded it. There was so much pressure about when someone asked it, and if he was honest or gave an answer that didn't want to be heard then everything could end badly.

"Then if what you say is true, why don't you share your feelings?"

"I do—I have."

"Elizabeth no longer counts. She is gone, doctor, and you can't seem to let go."

Bruce froze. "How do you know about Betty?"

"I researched, since you wouldn't really tell."

"I understand that Betty and I no longer have a connection."

"But you won't accept it."

"Yes, I do!" Bruce's voice escalated.

Some heads turned in their direction.

"Then prove it and _eat the donut_!" Thor shouted back.

"What?"

"Eat the donut, Banner."

"Thor, you're games aren't as funny as you think they are."

"If I was jesting, you would know. Eat the donut or we don't leave the donut shop."

"And if the Other Guy doesn't agree?"

"I don't think you'd like the thought of innocent lives perishing over an argument over a donut."

Bruce sighed. Thor was right, it would be foolish. Slowly, he pulled the plain donut out of the bag. To be honest, he loved plain donuts. It was perfectly plain, yet delicious. His stomach growled at the sight of it. Yeah, he hadn't eaten for a few days- he was starving.

Though he was strongly craving it, he took a slow and satisfying bite.

"Good," Thor said, in a calm voice, regaining a calm composure again. He fixed his hair. "You remind me of Loki."

"I am nothing—" he tried to say with a mouthful of donut.

"Not like that. When we were younger he would often keep to himself- he would act like you. It took me a while, but eventually we were able to sort of work past it and actually become closer as brothers."

Bruce didn't reply, taking another bite of the donut.

"So please, Bruce, tell me what's wrong," Thor said sincerely.

Bruce was actually willing to talk. He was willing to talk about the voices and urges he had been having for a while. He was willing to talk about the guilt and pressure. He was willing to talk about anything and everything.

Just as he was about to speak, someone shouted over him, "Donald!"

"C'mon, we're late—who's this?" A man in a black suit had come over to the chairs. He referred to Bruce who was now glaring at him.

"I'm sorry, Earnest. I forgot. This is my brother," Thor said with a smile, hinting at Bruce. His glare softened. "Please, Arnold, finish the donut. And if you want another, here." Thor put some money on the table.

"Sorry to interrupt, but we really got to go. It was nice to meet you, Arnold." Earnest said.

Bruce nodded.

"We'll finish this conversation later, okay?" Thor asked as Earnest pushed him towards the door.

Bruce nodded again.

He watched and waved as Earnest shoved Thor into a car and they sped down the highway. He was looking forward to the conversation. He really couldn't be more serious about it this time; not even with Tony.

"My donut," he whispered sadly to himself, noticing he had already consumed it. He got up from the table with the money Thor had left him and smiled at the cashier.

"One plain donut please."


End file.
